The Nature of Friendship

As it has become abundantly clear to me that I'm not going to be able to 'quiet my mind' enough to either read or sleep it seems I might as well blather on about something...

This story, as it turns out, begins two days ago as I sat at lunch with a friend. Somehow we came around to the topic of friendship, etc and she said that in her experience all her really good friendships had a sort of epiphanous moment in which things seemed to change gears from mere acquaintance to more of a ... well, I don't remember her exact words (I REALLY need to take better notes if people are going to spout wisdom at me) but suffice to say that the relationship deepened on some significant way.

So as I sat here this evening reading and re-reading and re-re-reading the same page of Dune and trying to put the Muad'Dib in his 'proper place,' those words rolled and rolled and rolled through my mind. They're of some significance today of all days especially but then I realized that I'd heard that same idea months (if not years) before. The story, plus or minus identifying details goes something like this:

Years ago I was level two support at a software company. It was my job to help support the level one staff who were actually on the phones with customer issues. At one point we had a new employee in the level one group and the two of us had chatted on occasion in a casual way but nothing particularly heavy. After he'd been working there a few weeks I came to him and asked if there was anything I could help him with. Apparently something in my delivery struck him the wrong way or gave the impression that I was saying he wasn't doing well and that really pissed him off. I went on to explain the situation and that I was, in fact, just there to help with anything I could since that was, after all, my job. That, my friend indicated, was an identifying moment for him as far as I was concerned and we've been good friends ever since.

A quick survey of others I consider 'good' friends reveals a similar pattern. In all cases there seems to be some moment of conflict or tension or high emotion that breaks down the barrier between mere acquaintanceship and true, lasting friendship. Without this watershed moment, friendships seem to just fizzle and grow cold. There's only so much smalltalk and light-hearted banter you can exchange with a person before it becomes tedious. If you don't have some moment of revelation and openness to create truly open lines of communication then you eventually just run out of words. And really, that's OK. One can't possibly be 'best buds' with everyone.

This rambling brought to you by: insomnia. I think that has about done the trick though; I've just about put myself to sleep. Good Night Austin, Texas wherever you are!