Schrödinger's Other Blog

Very nearly six years ago I wrote an entry about how the mere act of observing someone’s blog creates the potential for that blog and its contents to change (link). I had no end of fun comparing the world of online authorship to that of Quantum Mechanics. Now, half a decade later, one of my readers has indicated that it’s just possible that I’m white-washing my past and, in fact, my own persona, for the purposes of making a good impression on my readers. The sad fact is though, that like every writer who expects his work to be read by others, I am.

Some things have to be revised because it’s just not proper to be absolutely candid when other people are involved. There are certain people in my life that I don’t write about and that I will never write about because their stories are not mine to write. It’s all well and good for me to reveal myself as the opinionated and mildly assholish person that I am, but it’s entirely another for me to tell the world anything about the few people who currently or at one time found themselves in my innermost circle. So in that respect, yes, vast tracts of my history are missing from the chronicles of my life that this blog and my autobiography (link) represent. While some might see that as revisionist I see that as simple common courtesy. If you find yourself saddened by your absence from these pages or upset by your reduction to a single pronoun within them, then I apologize. It is not because your presence was not appreciated in my life but because I simply wish to respect your privacy and let the story of your life be written by the one who was closest to it. It is to the detriment of this blog and to the detriment of my story that you are (all) omitted, but it seems only right that it be so. If you wish to be heard, read one of the 27 entries I’ve written on the topic of “why you, yes you, should write” and write your own story.

Vast asides spoken in poorly enunciated stage whispers behind us, the other half of the comment was that I’m white-washing my own personality, preferences and desires as I portray them here. I would posit that any writing of a personal nature portrays who we want to be and how we want others to see us. Nothing I write here is untrue. I aspire to be all that I describe here. The things I write constitute my own moral compass, my standard for behavior, my sense of right and wrong. However, that is a much different thing than saying that I can adhere to my own image of absolute moral rectitude with 100% regularity. The very definition of humanity is at least in part one of admitting that we are all flawed and I am no less so than anyone else despite the somewhat egotistical bent to some of my posts. Further, since I don’t subscribe to religion of any sort, I must sieve out right and wrong in my own way and my vehicle for doing that is what you see before you. I claim no divinity or perfection even in a religion crafted carefully around my own deeply-held beliefs.

To summarize, yes, I agree that sometimes my writings do fall away from strict and absolute truth, but I think the reasons for this are both clear and necessary. On both accounts I wish it were not so. I wish that society was open and honest enough with itself that we could all share our stories openly and honestly and without reservations. That we could all sit down and read every side of every story. I wish too that I was perfect in the execution of my own belief systems, cobbled together so haphazardly from my own experiences. The former I have no remedy for. The latter I can simply say that I will persist in my attempts to do better. I value those who have the courage to come forward and tell me if I deviate from the truth in any item no matter how seemingly minor. I will take your observations to heart and do my utmost to stay on the narrow but meandering path that I have chosen for myself in life.