Over the years the random inputs to my mind have been rife with examples of the fact that sometimes you can just try TOO damn hard. Yes, I remember back in the late 70s I saw a Dr. Who episode in which the only way to solve some bizarre quandary was to simply stop trying to do so. Not long after, the “Key to Time” storyline from the same series has the Doctor escaping his somewhat dualistic enemies by randomizing his own destination so that not even HE knows there the fuck he’s going. Even later we find Douglas Adams’ Dirk Gently proclaiming that the key to learning to fly is to simply “throw yourself at the ground… and miss.” Clearly Dirk’s modus operandi is doomed to a painful conclusion in the cold, hard light of reality but I think that in some twisted way there’s something to be said for the general concept.
This idea was brought to mind today as I was creeping up on 5:00 and writing the same UI for what is at least the 5th time. As a sidebar, let me say that when I say “the 5th time” I do not mean “the engineer-exaggerated version of the phrase which really means the 2nd time but has become the victim of hyperbole to elicit sympathy” 5th time but the more than a little annoyed version of the 5th time. This is the 5th time that comes just before the 6th time when you actually throw a coffee cup at your screen. Sidebar ends.
The clock was hovering around 20 minutes to 5 and therefore, as any employee knows, I had exactly -0- interest in what I was doing. The only purpose of even TRYING to do anything was the knowledge that doing NOTHING would simply make the remaining 20 minutes of the day seem even longer than they were already doomed to be. So as I was diligently and apathetically typing out code I had absolutely no interest in I was shocked to find that what I had carefully crafted out of my own ennui and general desire to be anywhere else but in the office was actually… working…? No… no, no, no, no, no… At this point I must take reality by the short and curlies and shake it until it yelps in an unmanly falsetto.
But no, gonadal agitations aside, it was indeed true. What I had TRIED to do 4 times without success despite much careful research and care and feeding had in fact appeared quite figuratively out of nowhere. Unluckily for my new creation, its sudden call into existence, though miraculous, was insufficient to keep me in the office even one nanosecond past 5:00 but I did ponder the significance of the event long enough to at least consider immortalizing its spontaneous generation with a blog entry. It was during that mental memorialization of the miracle that other strange examples of this came to mind.
My eldest daughter Amanda, for example, is profoundly personally apathetic. She walks down the hall and kids will trip all over themselves to say hello to her. She is the most accidentally popular kid in the class but her universal response to all such greetings is a stony silence. Her reaction isn’t due to snobbishness; in fact it’s quite the opposite. She is absolutely CONVINCED that she has no friends so the people who say “Hi, Amanda!” with such enthusiasm must most certainly be greeting some OTHER nearby person who happens to share the same name and therefore she needn’t embarrass herself by responding to them in error. In counterpoint you see people every day who try *SO* hard to be liked and to be popular and inevitably they are universally disregarded. They’d give their left arm for even the tiniest measure of what Amanda garners so effortlessly yet despite all their trying they come up empty.
On a personal level, I’ve noticed this bizarre phenomenon come into play for me in the most unimaginable ways. Invariably, the greatest things befall us when we least expect them and when we weren’t even really looking for anything to happen. The surest way to fuck them up, of course, is to overanalyze them too much and start asking questions of The Fates. Nothing pisses off a woman with a pair of shears more than unnecessary cross-examination. If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the past few years it’s that sometimes you just have to grin, shake your head and quietly accept the gift that life has given you.
Lastly, if you think about it, this actually really makes perfect sense. The entire body of life on Earth is the product of a lot of time and a hell of a lot of random chance. A billion years ago the planet was a ball of chemicals, a huge chemistry set waiting to find its true potential. As time passed, a little bit of this met up with a little bit of that until you had simple cells. Once those cells learned to reproduce then the wheels of fate and fortune really hit their pace as every conceivable organism that the laws of nature and probability could dream up found its place in the Cambrian Explosion. Forms came and forms went but in the end, standing at the top of the tree of life you find the miracle that is man. We really are the luckiest of the lucky, the pinnacle of success from a billion years of throwing dice. Should it really be any surprise that from time to time life smiles on us when we’re least expecting it?
Showing posts with label people. Show all posts
Showing posts with label people. Show all posts
Monday, November 24, 2008
Sunday, November 11, 2007
No Basis for Complaint
I've been keeping an eye on myself lately. Having written in this blog before about my relationships with others (or lack thereof) it's surprising that I haven't really looked at my own actions with a critical eye. Frankly, after having given myself a good inspection, it seems probable that I'm a jerk and a whiner. That said, I'm seriously annoyed that nobody has bothered to tell me so yet. Yeah, I know that just saying that is in itself being a whiner but let's carry on and look at some of the available evidence.
We'll start with Friday because that's as far back as I can remember. Friday was my 35th birthday and as such I received 4 'go to lunch' invitations all of which I turned down for various and silly reasons. One, amazingly was from an almost total stranger. While out geocaching another (female) geocacher showed up. After poking around in the weeds and swapping medium-sized talk for half an hour we finally found what we were looking for. She'd stated previously that she was meeting a friend for lunch and as we were saying our adieus she invited me to join them for lunch. Unsure whether she was just being polite or whether she was serious about her invitation I simply dodged it in a very awkward manner. Fifteen minutes later as I was sitting in the Qdoba parking lot eating a burrito in the car by myself the words, "What the hell is wrong with you?" floated through my mind. Fate had tried like hell to make my day a pleasant one by giving me some company and I'd done everything in my power to thwart it. I'd turned down 3 invitations and when the 4th arrived from out of the blue from a TOTAL STRANGER I'd even turned that down. And for what? So I could sit in the car and eat by myself? WTF?
Later, I realized that the 'lunch with stranger' debacle was actually a double death. I'd been internally complaining for a while that my available pool of 'geocaching partners' was basically empty and then, like magic, this person shows up and what do I do? Well of course, I'm rude to her (though unintentionally). Here, as before, fate threw me an option and I stepped on it for no reason. In retrospect I'm sure this is not the first such opportunity I've had to make a pleasant connection with another person outside of work but it seems I've consistently managed to bungle them.
Sadly, my family relationships reside in a similar vein but primarily due to neglect on my part. My in-laws, despite that the fact that we actually have quite a bit in common, no doubt believe I dislike them. Quite the contrary, I enjoy them immensely but consistently fail to make time for them. Similarly, I don't make an effort to see my father and step-mother as I should. My mother, of course, has asked to be left alone so she doesn't occupy space on the Christmas card list but that's no excuse for ignoring the people who would welcome my attention. All that said, we're still on good terms but there's certainly room for improvement.
The last set of people to be addressed are those from work and since they are by nature 'remote' it's hard to establish any real relationships beyond those that can be carried on via instant messenger. As of late even those people I used to know in person have started to vanish. One person I used to talk to on a fairly regular basis has refused to answer my correspondence for almost a year. Others have merely faded away never to be recovered even when I make attempts to reach out.
In summary and to restate the title, all this leaves me with no basis for complaint about my relationships with others. While it is true that I have few friends and exactly zero that I can actually do anything with, that's entirely my fault. Fate has thrown me into the path of quite a few nice people with whom I share common interests and done her best to foster bonds with them but in the end it's my job to actually make those friendships happen. The tougher question, of course, is "What am I doing wrong?" In the case of last Friday's encounter with a stranger it's apparently just sheer social backwardness. One can do little about that without practice. I tend to hide my social discomfort behind a veil of humor and it's hard to build a friendship with a clown who can take nothing seriously.
For most other people in my sphere of acquaintance I think the problem may lie in simple lack of effort. I'm more than willing to blog endlessly about my lack of personal connections but I fail to make the investments necessary to foster those bonds. That's no one's fault by my own. Last and probably least among the problems is my tendency to say (once I'm comfortable with you) whatever's on my mind. If I have any talent whatsoever it's for absolute candor. If you tell me that your deeply held belief system is based on something you heard while playing a Paul McCartney album backwards at 78 RPM then it's unlikely that I'll be able to keep the look of surprise from my face or avoid questioning you closely about it. To me, the greatest possible service you can do another person is to question their belief systems and that's often uncomfortable at first. People hate to be uncomfortable and perhaps in some cases I have that effect.
We'll start with Friday because that's as far back as I can remember. Friday was my 35th birthday and as such I received 4 'go to lunch' invitations all of which I turned down for various and silly reasons. One, amazingly was from an almost total stranger. While out geocaching another (female) geocacher showed up. After poking around in the weeds and swapping medium-sized talk for half an hour we finally found what we were looking for. She'd stated previously that she was meeting a friend for lunch and as we were saying our adieus she invited me to join them for lunch. Unsure whether she was just being polite or whether she was serious about her invitation I simply dodged it in a very awkward manner. Fifteen minutes later as I was sitting in the Qdoba parking lot eating a burrito in the car by myself the words, "What the hell is wrong with you?" floated through my mind. Fate had tried like hell to make my day a pleasant one by giving me some company and I'd done everything in my power to thwart it. I'd turned down 3 invitations and when the 4th arrived from out of the blue from a TOTAL STRANGER I'd even turned that down. And for what? So I could sit in the car and eat by myself? WTF?
Later, I realized that the 'lunch with stranger' debacle was actually a double death. I'd been internally complaining for a while that my available pool of 'geocaching partners' was basically empty and then, like magic, this person shows up and what do I do? Well of course, I'm rude to her (though unintentionally). Here, as before, fate threw me an option and I stepped on it for no reason. In retrospect I'm sure this is not the first such opportunity I've had to make a pleasant connection with another person outside of work but it seems I've consistently managed to bungle them.
Sadly, my family relationships reside in a similar vein but primarily due to neglect on my part. My in-laws, despite that the fact that we actually have quite a bit in common, no doubt believe I dislike them. Quite the contrary, I enjoy them immensely but consistently fail to make time for them. Similarly, I don't make an effort to see my father and step-mother as I should. My mother, of course, has asked to be left alone so she doesn't occupy space on the Christmas card list but that's no excuse for ignoring the people who would welcome my attention. All that said, we're still on good terms but there's certainly room for improvement.
The last set of people to be addressed are those from work and since they are by nature 'remote' it's hard to establish any real relationships beyond those that can be carried on via instant messenger. As of late even those people I used to know in person have started to vanish. One person I used to talk to on a fairly regular basis has refused to answer my correspondence for almost a year. Others have merely faded away never to be recovered even when I make attempts to reach out.
In summary and to restate the title, all this leaves me with no basis for complaint about my relationships with others. While it is true that I have few friends and exactly zero that I can actually do anything with, that's entirely my fault. Fate has thrown me into the path of quite a few nice people with whom I share common interests and done her best to foster bonds with them but in the end it's my job to actually make those friendships happen. The tougher question, of course, is "What am I doing wrong?" In the case of last Friday's encounter with a stranger it's apparently just sheer social backwardness. One can do little about that without practice. I tend to hide my social discomfort behind a veil of humor and it's hard to build a friendship with a clown who can take nothing seriously.
For most other people in my sphere of acquaintance I think the problem may lie in simple lack of effort. I'm more than willing to blog endlessly about my lack of personal connections but I fail to make the investments necessary to foster those bonds. That's no one's fault by my own. Last and probably least among the problems is my tendency to say (once I'm comfortable with you) whatever's on my mind. If I have any talent whatsoever it's for absolute candor. If you tell me that your deeply held belief system is based on something you heard while playing a Paul McCartney album backwards at 78 RPM then it's unlikely that I'll be able to keep the look of surprise from my face or avoid questioning you closely about it. To me, the greatest possible service you can do another person is to question their belief systems and that's often uncomfortable at first. People hate to be uncomfortable and perhaps in some cases I have that effect.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Random Babbling for 10/11/07
It's been quite a while since I've written down any original thoughts so now seems like a good time to do it.
Tomorrow is my bi-weekly 'Lunch with Human' with a co-worker. It's funny really that the more I get to know people the more I enjoy them. Years ago I loved mathematics because I believed fervently that mathematics was the underpinning of all reality. That you could, if you tried hard enough, predict every event in the universe given a large enough sheet of paper. Then I loved computers because they could do math much more quickly and give you a much bigger 'sheet of paper'. Over the years though, I've come to the sad conclusion that the real world is much more complicated than that and that most of that complexity comes about because of people. I love people with all their unutterable emotions and motivations. It makes me absolutely giddy to unravel a person from their outermost appearances down to the Gordian Knot of their immortal soul. My wife suggested recently that I should go back to school to become a psychologist and I'd jump at the chance if it arose somehow. I can't guarantee that I'd be able to resist the temptation to put 'Psychological Vivisectionist' on my business cards.
After almost two months of geocaching I've come to a few random conclusions. Firstly, I'm not sure I'm amused by other people's caches much any more. After you've pulled ten film canisters from trees hanging by christmas tree hooks it tends to get a bit redundant. I wish people would put some effort into these things rather than just randomly hiding things anywhere that comes to mind in the same cliche way. I am, however, much entertained by placing caches of my own though it is a bit nerve-wracking if you allow yourself to conjure up frantic calls to 911 from random unseen onlookers. I've yet to find a consistent geocaching partner of any kind. My eldest now lives in mortal fear of mosquitoes and everyone else I've gone out now claims disinterest. Time to call Jared again I suppose.
Someone whose blog I read semi-regularly did a mimi about what books she's read this year which put me of a mind to take a look back at my own logs. I was astounded to realize that I've finished at least 3 books every month this year. Usually I get distracted for at least a few months a year and read nothing. Apparently I'm just more amused by my choice of literature as of late. I'm looking forward to the end of year literature wrap-up.
As I was driving for 23 hours last week I listened to some talk radio. Whenever I actually sit and really LISTEN to talk radio, I'm always astounded by just how screwed up we are in this country. But then I hear something that makes me nod my head and say, "yeah, you're exactly right." Some Ohio-local disembodied voice was reporting that the evangelicals were threatening to start a third party if Giuliani got the Republican nomination. His response simply, "Good, go build a third party. We're better off without you." Without the religious influence, he argued, the Republican party would drift back from the extreme right-wing theocracy it represents into something that much more people could agree on. I for one agree with him. The Republicans have some good points on their side. I don't like the welfare system as it stands, I think Government is too big and too wasteful, I don't think we should pull babies halfway out of their mothers and then crush their heads. And the Republicans agree with me on that. Unfortunately, I can't vote for them because they represent a collection of theocratic drones. If a Republican party sans religion can appeal to someone as liberal as I am then they'd win in a landslide.
Alright,that's all I have to say about all of that. Must go now as I have people banging on my window wondering what the 'Word of the Day' is going to be.
Tomorrow is my bi-weekly 'Lunch with Human' with a co-worker. It's funny really that the more I get to know people the more I enjoy them. Years ago I loved mathematics because I believed fervently that mathematics was the underpinning of all reality. That you could, if you tried hard enough, predict every event in the universe given a large enough sheet of paper. Then I loved computers because they could do math much more quickly and give you a much bigger 'sheet of paper'. Over the years though, I've come to the sad conclusion that the real world is much more complicated than that and that most of that complexity comes about because of people. I love people with all their unutterable emotions and motivations. It makes me absolutely giddy to unravel a person from their outermost appearances down to the Gordian Knot of their immortal soul. My wife suggested recently that I should go back to school to become a psychologist and I'd jump at the chance if it arose somehow. I can't guarantee that I'd be able to resist the temptation to put 'Psychological Vivisectionist' on my business cards.
After almost two months of geocaching I've come to a few random conclusions. Firstly, I'm not sure I'm amused by other people's caches much any more. After you've pulled ten film canisters from trees hanging by christmas tree hooks it tends to get a bit redundant. I wish people would put some effort into these things rather than just randomly hiding things anywhere that comes to mind in the same cliche way. I am, however, much entertained by placing caches of my own though it is a bit nerve-wracking if you allow yourself to conjure up frantic calls to 911 from random unseen onlookers. I've yet to find a consistent geocaching partner of any kind. My eldest now lives in mortal fear of mosquitoes and everyone else I've gone out now claims disinterest. Time to call Jared again I suppose.
Someone whose blog I read semi-regularly did a mimi about what books she's read this year which put me of a mind to take a look back at my own logs. I was astounded to realize that I've finished at least 3 books every month this year. Usually I get distracted for at least a few months a year and read nothing. Apparently I'm just more amused by my choice of literature as of late. I'm looking forward to the end of year literature wrap-up.
As I was driving for 23 hours last week I listened to some talk radio. Whenever I actually sit and really LISTEN to talk radio, I'm always astounded by just how screwed up we are in this country. But then I hear something that makes me nod my head and say, "yeah, you're exactly right." Some Ohio-local disembodied voice was reporting that the evangelicals were threatening to start a third party if Giuliani got the Republican nomination. His response simply, "Good, go build a third party. We're better off without you." Without the religious influence, he argued, the Republican party would drift back from the extreme right-wing theocracy it represents into something that much more people could agree on. I for one agree with him. The Republicans have some good points on their side. I don't like the welfare system as it stands, I think Government is too big and too wasteful, I don't think we should pull babies halfway out of their mothers and then crush their heads. And the Republicans agree with me on that. Unfortunately, I can't vote for them because they represent a collection of theocratic drones. If a Republican party sans religion can appeal to someone as liberal as I am then they'd win in a landslide.
Alright,that's all I have to say about all of that. Must go now as I have people banging on my window wondering what the 'Word of the Day' is going to be.
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Annual Company Meeting
Well, here's the story... well, at least the background to the story. Every year our company has an all-out meeting where everyone in the whole place (with I think one exception in customer support) comes to Indy. Since our company of about 90 employees is about half Indy-based and half based in random cities throughout North American this involves a lot of people flying in and getting hotels, etc, etc, etc.
So 90% of this has little to do with me except that in the 3 days this meeting spans I am forced to do something that I don't really ever do any other time of the year. I'm forced to go and meet people and talk to them. In many ways I dread these 3 days but in other ways I suspect they're really good for me as they draw my attention away from the things I usually do and onto other people. I'll give the detailed results of this particular company meeting below because otherwise I'll not remember a dern thing about them later.
Day 1 was a 'meet and greet' at some local restaurant. The pointedly memorable bit was seeing my coworkers each take a microphone in hand and introduce themselves giving name, rank and favorite toy as a child. The most intellectually stimulating bit of this was to notice the incredibly wide range of comfort levels people had in front of the crowd. I have no idea how I looked up there but others ranged from "completely casual" to "looking as if they would rather eat the microphone than speak into it." For the record, my self-introduction was something along the lines of: "I'm Rob S, Junior Web Developer Third Class and my favorite toy was anything but a microphone." Not my best material by far. My other choices for a favorite toy were somewhat obvious: "fire" or "rocks and a sharpened stick (when I could get it)."
Day 2 was an all day event and did honestly seem to drag on forever. It consisted of the usual company rah-rah sessions about the state of things and a motivational speaker who had a series of VERY obvious things to say about how to be successful in a job. Afterwards we traipsed endlessly around the zoo in a non-competitive race/scavenger hunt. I'm somewhat powerless to explain my team's motivation to complete this activity given that it detracted from one's ability to simply enjoy the zoo. There was apparently a secondary assignment during the activity to 'observe' your coworkers and when one of the remote employees sought to 'observe' me I wove a string of increasingly unbelievable falsehoods for the observer.
Day 3 was another all day event that I managed to partially skip out on due to previous work commitments to customers. By the time I'd returned to the meeting I'd completely missed the activity in which teams built sculptures from non-perishable food to later be donated to charity. I'm almost sad I missed it (and not just because it was my uncredited idea in the first place.) The Q&A session that followed was, as always, amusing. Some of the questions were just obnoxious and I found myself glad that none of them could be pinned on me. I'd forgotten to ask my obnoxious questions this year. The day closed with departmental outings. Every department had something planned ahead of time with the exception of ours (or so I'm made to understand). I'm not entirely sure what that says about our department but I'm dead certain that it's not flattering. Luckily, one of our more inventive employees was able to come up with a spur of the moment Geocaching race that I thought went extraordinarily well. (Well enough to cause me to add something to my amazon.com wishlist and create an account on this site anyway.) Initially I was, I'll admit, a bit piqued that the person who organized the race actually won the prize but after due consideration it seems appropriate considering he pulled our chestnuts from the fire and kept us from sitting through some idiotic transformers movie or something equally inane for a departmental activity.
Now that you have the unnecessary detail, what did we learn/observe at the meeting?
One of my coworkers told me (as she seems to whenever we talk) that she was talking to some other people about me. She's apparently been telling people that I'm funny if you can get me by myself and not in a big crowd of people. They've also given me a nickname of 'Eeyore.' I guess I can, if I try hard enough, not get offended at being compared to the greatest stoic of children's literature.
Along the lines of our glum Eeyore, at several points I got the impression that people think I'm incredibly negative. I've suspected this for a while but it's *SO* not true. The simple fact here is that I just don't say anything unless it's necessary. If things are going well and everyone's happy I have no need to say a word. It's not until something is amiss that I feel the need to speak. Since things being amiss tend to cause negative utterances one tends to hear nothing but negativity from me. All the positive things are shrouded in contented silence. So yeah, stop promulgating some bullcrap about me being negative.
Our company used to have these annual 'STAR awards'; basically an employee of the year. It seems to have dissipated for some reason. No doubt some people got offended that we didn't all get one.
After speaking with a few more people I hadn't in a while, I think I need to do a better job of seeking out human contact as some of the humans I talked to at the meeting seemed pretty interesting. Pursuant to that, I'm starting up the 'Lunch with Human' series again. Any humans reading this who'd like to have a bit of lunch should drop me a line to get on the circulation list. Lunchees should come prepared with an idea of where they'd like to eat.
Finally, it has become obvious that the people who plan company meetings really don't know how to deal with introverted people. This isn't really all that surprising though since most planners of such meetings are themselves extraordinarily outgoing. At several points during this this year's events I felt that someone was REALLY trying to push me into getting to know people but going about it in totally the wrong way. So, for the benefit of meeting planners everywhere, here's the easy key for getting people of all types to get to know people.
Extroverts: Whatever. If you throw an extrovert into a room with 20 strangers for an hour then at the end the extrovert will have made 20 new friends and have 20 new business cards. It's like some sort of personality magic.
Introverts: If you throw an introvert into a room with 20 strangers for an hour then at the end you'll have one exhausted introvert and 20 strangers asking themselves, "What the fvck was HIS problem?" Introverts don't do well in crowds. We get to know other people one or two at a time. If you put us in groups we'll shut up like clams and make people think we're just being snooty.
All that said, it's good to have that over again for another year if for no other reason than I can get back to an appropriate summer haircut.
So 90% of this has little to do with me except that in the 3 days this meeting spans I am forced to do something that I don't really ever do any other time of the year. I'm forced to go and meet people and talk to them. In many ways I dread these 3 days but in other ways I suspect they're really good for me as they draw my attention away from the things I usually do and onto other people. I'll give the detailed results of this particular company meeting below because otherwise I'll not remember a dern thing about them later.
Day 1 was a 'meet and greet' at some local restaurant. The pointedly memorable bit was seeing my coworkers each take a microphone in hand and introduce themselves giving name, rank and favorite toy as a child. The most intellectually stimulating bit of this was to notice the incredibly wide range of comfort levels people had in front of the crowd. I have no idea how I looked up there but others ranged from "completely casual" to "looking as if they would rather eat the microphone than speak into it." For the record, my self-introduction was something along the lines of: "I'm Rob S, Junior Web Developer Third Class and my favorite toy was anything but a microphone
Day 2 was an all day event and did honestly seem to drag on forever. It consisted of the usual company rah-rah sessions about the state of things and a motivational speaker who had a series of VERY obvious things to say about how to be successful in a job. Afterwards we traipsed endlessly around the zoo in a non-competitive race/scavenger hunt. I'm somewhat powerless to explain my team's motivation to complete this activity given that it detracted from one's ability to simply enjoy the zoo. There was apparently a secondary assignment during the activity to 'observe' your coworkers and when one of the remote employees sought to 'observe' me I wove a string of increasingly unbelievable falsehoods for the observer.
Day 3 was another all day event that I managed to partially skip out on due to previous work commitments to customers. By the time I'd returned to the meeting I'd completely missed the activity in which teams built sculptures from non-perishable food to later be donated to charity. I'm almost sad I missed it (and not just because it was my uncredited idea in the first place.) The Q&A session that followed was, as always, amusing. Some of the questions were just obnoxious and I found myself glad that none of them could be pinned on me. I'd forgotten to ask my obnoxious questions this year. The day closed with departmental outings. Every department had something planned ahead of time with the exception of ours (or so I'm made to understand). I'm not entirely sure what that says about our department but I'm dead certain that it's not flattering. Luckily, one of our more inventive employees was able to come up with a spur of the moment Geocaching race that I thought went extraordinarily well. (Well enough to cause me to add something to my amazon.com wishlist and create an account on this site anyway.) Initially I was, I'll admit, a bit piqued that the person who organized the race actually won the prize but after due consideration it seems appropriate considering he pulled our chestnuts from the fire and kept us from sitting through some idiotic transformers movie or something equally inane for a departmental activity.
Now that you have the unnecessary detail, what did we learn/observe at the meeting?
One of my coworkers told me (as she seems to whenever we talk) that she was talking to some other people about me. She's apparently been telling people that I'm funny if you can get me by myself and not in a big crowd of people. They've also given me a nickname of 'Eeyore.' I guess I can, if I try hard enough, not get offended at being compared to the greatest stoic of children's literature.
Along the lines of our glum Eeyore, at several points I got the impression that people think I'm incredibly negative. I've suspected this for a while but it's *SO* not true. The simple fact here is that I just don't say anything unless it's necessary. If things are going well and everyone's happy I have no need to say a word. It's not until something is amiss that I feel the need to speak. Since things being amiss tend to cause negative utterances one tends to hear nothing but negativity from me. All the positive things are shrouded in contented silence. So yeah, stop promulgating some bullcrap about me being negative.
Our company used to have these annual 'STAR awards'; basically an employee of the year. It seems to have dissipated for some reason. No doubt some people got offended that we didn't all get one.
After speaking with a few more people I hadn't in a while, I think I need to do a better job of seeking out human contact as some of the humans I talked to at the meeting seemed pretty interesting. Pursuant to that, I'm starting up the 'Lunch with Human' series again. Any humans reading this who'd like to have a bit of lunch should drop me a line to get on the circulation list. Lunchees should come prepared with an idea of where they'd like to eat.
Finally, it has become obvious that the people who plan company meetings really don't know how to deal with introverted people. This isn't really all that surprising though since most planners of such meetings are themselves extraordinarily outgoing. At several points during this this year's events I felt that someone was REALLY trying to push me into getting to know people but going about it in totally the wrong way. So, for the benefit of meeting planners everywhere, here's the easy key for getting people of all types to get to know people.
Extroverts: Whatever. If you throw an extrovert into a room with 20 strangers for an hour then at the end the extrovert will have made 20 new friends and have 20 new business cards. It's like some sort of personality magic.
Introverts: If you throw an introvert into a room with 20 strangers for an hour then at the end you'll have one exhausted introvert and 20 strangers asking themselves, "What the fvck was HIS problem?" Introverts don't do well in crowds. We get to know other people one or two at a time. If you put us in groups we'll shut up like clams and make people think we're just being snooty.
All that said, it's good to have that over again for another year if for no other reason than I can get back to an appropriate summer haircut.
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
8/8/07 - Death, Witches and Masons
Today's big event was a funeral for my wife's Uncle John. Funerals always strike me as a real shame. It's a pity that we get together with each other and talk about how nice someone is after they're no longer around to appreciate it. It makes me really think we should have more birthday parties as adults to celebrate ourselves a bit more.
Many things about Uncle John fascinate me but the one that stuck out was his membership in the Masons. For some reason I'm utterly unable to explain Freemasonry has always been somehow attractive to me. Now, that's not to say that I know even the first thing about it. I imagine something equivalent to the Royal Order of Water Buffaloes but really have no clue. I'm sure in many ways it would be a disappointment if I actually bothered to join but it would be a group of people with a noble purpose to hang out with in any case. Kathy has suggested the Beech Grove Lions club as a substitute but chances are good that I'll just get over this temporary fad and go back to my usual ignoble existence.
Work... work work work... I should say something about work. It's funny, after taking forced time off traveling all they way to Mount Vernon for a funeral I actually came back somewhat motivated to actually do some work. It seems as if the tension level at work is rising exponentially and I'm amused to discover how much higher that level rises next week when the whole company is sitting in conference rooms for two days. I can tell you with absolute assurance that I'm *NOT* going to be at all motivated to try to come home and clean up the mess created in my absence after I've had to sit in 'team building' activities all day and into the evening.
All that said, the situation at work seems to be becoming increasingly heated. I find it hard to imagine that things can go on as-is for much longer. Sometime soon something is going to snap violently and cause a pretty significant earthquake in the department. I'm confident that I can maintain my aplomb.
On a personal note, I have recently realized a few things in the 'vein' of my own friendly relationships with humans.
Thing the first: By setting my criteria for 'friend' status so high, I'm inadvertently insulting people. See, I tend not to call people friends because I don't want to force them into reciprocating something they're not ready to. But by doing so, I risk the reverse. That they consider me a friend and I'm failing to reciprocate. This tends to piss people off and they take it as a personal affront. So I think the best thing here is to actually reverse this utterly and consider everyone a friend with whom I have even the slightest acquaintance. So, be warned that you might be getting a call at 4am to bail me out of jail.
Thing the second: I'm a shitty friend. Not, of course, because I intend to be but because I tend to get stuck in my own doings since for so long that's all there was. I really need to concentrate more on actually DOING things with other people. I've been cooped up in this house for a dangerously long time and need to find some sort of not-in-here activity.
OK... lastly and most embarrassingly... So I wondered what all the hubbub was about. I mean they have all these books and all these movies that I get dragged to so I finally broke down and read those Harry Potter books. Alright, alright, stop laughing. I'll be back to the Oxford World's Classics soon enough. Anyway, after the first 5 books and over 2,000 pages of text I have to say they're entertaining but not at all original. There's not really ANYTHING new here but it performs it's function of entertaining people. Not great literature by any means. But did anyone really expect it to be? Time to plod onward I guess.
Many things about Uncle John fascinate me but the one that stuck out was his membership in the Masons. For some reason I'm utterly unable to explain Freemasonry has always been somehow attractive to me. Now, that's not to say that I know even the first thing about it. I imagine something equivalent to the Royal Order of Water Buffaloes but really have no clue. I'm sure in many ways it would be a disappointment if I actually bothered to join but it would be a group of people with a noble purpose to hang out with in any case. Kathy has suggested the Beech Grove Lions club as a substitute but chances are good that I'll just get over this temporary fad and go back to my usual ignoble existence.
Work... work work work... I should say something about work. It's funny, after taking forced time off traveling all they way to Mount Vernon for a funeral I actually came back somewhat motivated to actually do some work. It seems as if the tension level at work is rising exponentially and I'm amused to discover how much higher that level rises next week when the whole company is sitting in conference rooms for two days. I can tell you with absolute assurance that I'm *NOT* going to be at all motivated to try to come home and clean up the mess created in my absence after I've had to sit in 'team building' activities all day and into the evening.
All that said, the situation at work seems to be becoming increasingly heated. I find it hard to imagine that things can go on as-is for much longer. Sometime soon something is going to snap violently and cause a pretty significant earthquake in the department. I'm confident that I can maintain my aplomb.
On a personal note, I have recently realized a few things in the 'vein' of my own friendly relationships with humans.
Thing the first: By setting my criteria for 'friend' status so high, I'm inadvertently insulting people. See, I tend not to call people friends because I don't want to force them into reciprocating something they're not ready to. But by doing so, I risk the reverse. That they consider me a friend and I'm failing to reciprocate. This tends to piss people off and they take it as a personal affront. So I think the best thing here is to actually reverse this utterly and consider everyone a friend with whom I have even the slightest acquaintance. So, be warned that you might be getting a call at 4am to bail me out of jail.
Thing the second: I'm a shitty friend. Not, of course, because I intend to be but because I tend to get stuck in my own doings since for so long that's all there was. I really need to concentrate more on actually DOING things with other people. I've been cooped up in this house for a dangerously long time and need to find some sort of not-in-here activity.
OK... lastly and most embarrassingly... So I wondered what all the hubbub was about. I mean they have all these books and all these movies that I get dragged to so I finally broke down and read those Harry Potter books. Alright, alright, stop laughing. I'll be back to the Oxford World's Classics soon enough. Anyway, after the first 5 books and over 2,000 pages of text I have to say they're entertaining but not at all original. There's not really ANYTHING new here but it performs it's function of entertaining people. Not great literature by any means. But did anyone really expect it to be? Time to plod onward I guess.
Sunday, July 22, 2007
7/20/07 - Greek to Me; Duckpin Bowling; "How to Work a Room"
Friday night we went out to dinner. Not an unusual happening to be sure but we went somewhere relatively fancy but at least the menu was sorted by price which I have to admit was pretty handy but it would have been nice if they'd drawn a big, bold line with a skull in the middle between $19 and $20. Regardless of the price, the food at Santorini's was pretty good and my wife seems to have agreed that Greek food is not something to run away from so that, despite the price, is worth the price of admission.
After that we found our way to Fountain Square for that most heinous variation on an otherwise good game, duckpin bowling. If the filth doesn't get you, the evilly sloping alleys will. I'd consider this pastime passable but conversation is very nearly impossible in such loud conditions and it would have been nice to have been able to hear the people around me talk to each other.
Speaking of speaking... I started reading a book in the vicinity of this day. It's completely out of character as it's called, "How to work a Room." Yeah, yeah. Get back on your chair. After 50 pages I'd gleaned a couple of useful facts. By 100 pages I was just about ready to tear the book in half just to guarantee that one copy of this bullshit out of the millions available would not poison another impressionable mind. Anyway, let's start with the good and useful things I was told. Yes, I know, they're obvious but I'm not sure anyone had told me these things specifically:
* If you go to a party and you're uncomfortable, then other people are too. When I mentioned this to my wife she reminded me of the July 4th party I 'ruined' about 13 months ago. It went something like this. We went to some distant friend's house where we were in company of several other people who were good friends with the hostess. They all sat about drinking heavily, talking about nothing and I sat quietly and waited for the party to end. This, apparently, was enough to ruin the party and it certainly ruined my attitude for the rest of the day. The lesson learned here is a simple one I think. If you're not enjoying yourself then just leave so you don't screw it up for everyone else. Fair enough.
* 93% of people in the world consider themselves shy. I think most of the time that I consider myself shy but really I'm not. If you wander into a topic that I know something about, I will talk incessantly and I'm always blabbering on about my innermost thoughts on here so I'm certainly not shy about talking when I have something to say. The important bit here though is that the hard part for most people is approaching others. So, if you approach them then you've done 90% of the work and you can go about the conversation. Amusingly, evidence for this was right at hand. I often talk to people at random in stores or whatever and people almost always react positively to what I have to say so people want to talk to you. People are, in general, ready to have a conversation. The key is getting over that initial hurdle and breaking down the initial barrier between people. Now that, I think I can try to do more effectively. At this point, I can't imagine people will think me any MORE of an ass no matter what I say so I have that going for me. The down side here is that I typically just DON'T have anything to say on most of the common topics of conversation. You want to talk about the science or mathematics or literature or computing or religion then I'm your man. Let's set a date. You want to talk about what diet Cher's on or what happened on American Idol last night.... um, no, not so much.
* People can sense what your real intentions are so you can't schmooze just to get something. Now this, I thought, was a damn interesting little tidbit and hopefully true. The author tells bits about how she's gotten all sorts of random perquisites from her smoozing. Tickets to shows, free crap, discounts, etc because of some incident she had in an elevator. That's all well and good and a nice thing to look forward to I suppose but really just random gravy. What I guess pisses me off most is that there are people out there who have to be told, "just don't do this to take advantage of people" while I sit here on my own with absolutely nothing going on. It's damn frustrating to try to put yourself out there for people and get blank stares in return. I take cookies across the street to the old couple at Christmas but I'm not even sure they eat them. I'd be happy to help the neighbors get their yard in order so maybe they could sell their house but they won't even acknowledge my greetings. We're just such isolationists in this country. Either that or I'm just too damn scary. Whatever the case it's annoying. It's not that I WANT to get a call at 4 a.m. from some friend who has a major problem but it would at least be nice if that were a possibility.
So the first 50 pages went about like that. I was relatively upbeat on the whole process but it was clear that the book was geared for sales types which I most definitely am NOT a sales type. Then we start getting into the 'how' phase. How to make contacts and break the ice and get the free flow of information going. Sounds good doesn't it?
* The book recommends practicing a self-introduction. OK. Here's the best one I could think of:
**** Hi! I'm Rob! Now, I'm only here as part of a court-order. 'Socialization re-adjustment phase' of my parole they call it. Anyway, when we gone done talking there are some forms the judge would like you to fill out if you could.... Ma'am? Where are you...
* Practice your smalltalk. Look through the news and find 2 or 3 interesting stories and read them so you'll be prepared. Read People magazine so you can be aware of all the latest goings on.
It was at this point, that I measured the book to see if it could fit down the toilet. So basically, the key to successful smalltalk is to go read something you wouldn't ordinarily so that perhaps you'll have something to say that people might find interesting. Well I'm sorry but that's just a bunch of horse shit. If the idea of socializing with other people requires me to read fvcking People magazine then I'll just sit quietly and leave when I think it's no longer rude to do so. What the hell kind of lasting relationship is based on that sort of? Am I going to have to read People magazine every week/month/whatever for the rest of my life to sustain such a relationship? I'm looking for people to be friends with, to have interesting conversations with. Not sell them stool softener and rubber cane tips.
The first person to express a desire for this book gets it. Assuming, of course, that they can catch it as I hurl it at them.
After that we found our way to Fountain Square for that most heinous variation on an otherwise good game, duckpin bowling. If the filth doesn't get you, the evilly sloping alleys will. I'd consider this pastime passable but conversation is very nearly impossible in such loud conditions and it would have been nice to have been able to hear the people around me talk to each other.
Speaking of speaking... I started reading a book in the vicinity of this day. It's completely out of character as it's called, "How to work a Room." Yeah, yeah. Get back on your chair. After 50 pages I'd gleaned a couple of useful facts. By 100 pages I was just about ready to tear the book in half just to guarantee that one copy of this bullshit out of the millions available would not poison another impressionable mind. Anyway, let's start with the good and useful things I was told. Yes, I know, they're obvious but I'm not sure anyone had told me these things specifically:
* If you go to a party and you're uncomfortable, then other people are too. When I mentioned this to my wife she reminded me of the July 4th party I 'ruined' about 13 months ago. It went something like this. We went to some distant friend's house where we were in company of several other people who were good friends with the hostess. They all sat about drinking heavily, talking about nothing and I sat quietly and waited for the party to end. This, apparently, was enough to ruin the party and it certainly ruined my attitude for the rest of the day. The lesson learned here is a simple one I think. If you're not enjoying yourself then just leave so you don't screw it up for everyone else. Fair enough.
* 93% of people in the world consider themselves shy. I think most of the time that I consider myself shy but really I'm not. If you wander into a topic that I know something about, I will talk incessantly and I'm always blabbering on about my innermost thoughts on here so I'm certainly not shy about talking when I have something to say. The important bit here though is that the hard part for most people is approaching others. So, if you approach them then you've done 90% of the work and you can go about the conversation. Amusingly, evidence for this was right at hand. I often talk to people at random in stores or whatever and people almost always react positively to what I have to say so people want to talk to you. People are, in general, ready to have a conversation. The key is getting over that initial hurdle and breaking down the initial barrier between people. Now that, I think I can try to do more effectively. At this point, I can't imagine people will think me any MORE of an ass no matter what I say so I have that going for me. The down side here is that I typically just DON'T have anything to say on most of the common topics of conversation. You want to talk about the science or mathematics or literature or computing or religion then I'm your man. Let's set a date. You want to talk about what diet Cher's on or what happened on American Idol last night.... um, no, not so much.
* People can sense what your real intentions are so you can't schmooze just to get something. Now this, I thought, was a damn interesting little tidbit and hopefully true. The author tells bits about how she's gotten all sorts of random perquisites from her smoozing. Tickets to shows, free crap, discounts, etc because of some incident she had in an elevator. That's all well and good and a nice thing to look forward to I suppose but really just random gravy. What I guess pisses me off most is that there are people out there who have to be told, "just don't do this to take advantage of people" while I sit here on my own with absolutely nothing going on. It's damn frustrating to try to put yourself out there for people and get blank stares in return. I take cookies across the street to the old couple at Christmas but I'm not even sure they eat them. I'd be happy to help the neighbors get their yard in order so maybe they could sell their house but they won't even acknowledge my greetings. We're just such isolationists in this country. Either that or I'm just too damn scary. Whatever the case it's annoying. It's not that I WANT to get a call at 4 a.m. from some friend who has a major problem but it would at least be nice if that were a possibility.
So the first 50 pages went about like that. I was relatively upbeat on the whole process but it was clear that the book was geared for sales types which I most definitely am NOT a sales type. Then we start getting into the 'how' phase. How to make contacts and break the ice and get the free flow of information going. Sounds good doesn't it?
* The book recommends practicing a self-introduction. OK. Here's the best one I could think of:
**** Hi! I'm Rob! Now, I'm only here as part of a court-order. 'Socialization re-adjustment phase' of my parole they call it. Anyway, when we gone done talking there are some forms the judge would like you to fill out if you could.... Ma'am? Where are you...
* Practice your smalltalk. Look through the news and find 2 or 3 interesting stories and read them so you'll be prepared. Read People magazine so you can be aware of all the latest goings on.
It was at this point, that I measured the book to see if it could fit down the toilet. So basically, the key to successful smalltalk is to go read something you wouldn't ordinarily so that perhaps you'll have something to say that people might find interesting. Well I'm sorry but that's just a bunch of horse shit. If the idea of socializing with other people requires me to read fvcking People magazine then I'll just sit quietly and leave when I think it's no longer rude to do so. What the hell kind of lasting relationship is based on that sort of? Am I going to have to read People magazine every week/month/whatever for the rest of my life to sustain such a relationship? I'm looking for people to be friends with, to have interesting conversations with. Not sell them stool softener and rubber cane tips.
The first person to express a desire for this book gets it. Assuming, of course, that they can catch it as I hurl it at them.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
7/18/07 - Promoting Weeds; More about Smalltalk
Since I was a child I've had a special thing for plants. Their sheer diversity and vigor just astonishes me. Animals are unevolved when compared with their greener cousins. Because of this I've always had a plant or two around and some I've had for almost 20 years (not bad when you consider I'm only 34). Anyway, one of the sidebars in this interest has been a fascination with those plants that despite all our best efforts still manage to find a place our yards. I've spent a lot of time in the yard for the 10 years we've had a house and I've become familiar with a lot of these invaders. At least enough to refer to them by consistent names that I'm about 90% sure are completely wrong: "Bay Tree", "That thing that I think is a Cornflower", "That little tiny thing that looks a lot like a raspberry bush." Yesterday for the first time since in a LONG time I actually bothered to do something to try to familiarize myself with these with a bit more intimacy. I've officially promoted several specimens out of the status of 'weeds.' This is relatively simple since the moniker of weed is a somewhat arbitrary one and all one need to it dig a weed from the ground and put in a pot to make this simple transition. I'm all atwitter to see what these tiny and durable gnomes grow into with all the care I can give them. Most interesting perhaps to the general populous will be just HOW BIG will a dandelion get if you give it optimal growing conditions? Ironically, I think I may have accidentally killed my first attempt to transplant a dandelion. Those taproots are just too long to make them easily adopted.
The second bit of wind for this post is yet more crap about smalltalk. I'm pretty sure I've covered this in some vague way in the past and acknowledged to myself (if not to the blog) that smalltalk, while completely obnoxious to my sensibilities of not wasting words, sadly required. This all came up again because one of my associates from work sent along an interview with the author of "How to work a Room." Now, anyone who knows me at ALL knows that I'd sooner eat the entire contents of my 'sharps jar' in the garage than 'work a room.' Despite that, I'm apparently going to obtain and read this book because it has become apparent that this idea of 'random socializing' is really the ONLY way to get what I want out of other people. For my entire life (adult or otherwise) I've been looking for that "Fred and Barney" (you know, those guys from the Flintstones) type friendship with someone else. And no, not a "Bert and Ernie" type friendship, I think we all know what was going on there. My wife can call up any one of about 4 or 5 people and ask them to go shopping with her. It's frigging magic of some sort. If I want someone to go to the bookstore with... well, I can probably BEG someone into going if I have to but even the list of people I'd consider begging would be pretty short and 1 of those 2 candidates is my father-in-law.
In a way, it's deeply frustrating because I'm not entirely certain what the problem is though there are plenty of candidates.
* Am I simply too nerdy for people in this area? That's highly doubtful as I've met some delightfully nerdy people.
* Am I too much of an ass? That's probably potentially part of it. I am relatively self-absorbed and tend to neglect people in favor of... well, random blog entries and long lists of dry literature.
* Are people in this country just not friendly as they used to be? Perhaps culture has changed so we don't seek this out as we used to? Perhaps partly but I cannot believe that this is generally the case. The more I see of other people the more I realize we're all basically the same except for he bells and whistles.
* Have I simply failed to see the right people in the right places and failed to recognize them when I find them? Most assuredly so. This is at least one problem that the smalltalk bit may help with. As a mechanism for sussing out like-minded people smalltalk has no substitute so perhaps making that work is the right answer. At this point though, there just aren't a whole lot of people about. I work from home. In an average week I talk to exactly 3 adults and they're all related to me. This should probably change before I go totally mad.
All that said, there is a VERY small contingent of people that still bother to seek me out on a regular basis. Perhaps I should start by being more attentive to them and perhaps they'll introduce me to all their friends.
The second bit of wind for this post is yet more crap about smalltalk. I'm pretty sure I've covered this in some vague way in the past and acknowledged to myself (if not to the blog) that smalltalk, while completely obnoxious to my sensibilities of not wasting words, sadly required. This all came up again because one of my associates from work sent along an interview with the author of "How to work a Room." Now, anyone who knows me at ALL knows that I'd sooner eat the entire contents of my 'sharps jar' in the garage than 'work a room.' Despite that, I'm apparently going to obtain and read this book because it has become apparent that this idea of 'random socializing' is really the ONLY way to get what I want out of other people. For my entire life (adult or otherwise) I've been looking for that "Fred and Barney" (you know, those guys from the Flintstones) type friendship with someone else. And no, not a "Bert and Ernie" type friendship, I think we all know what was going on there. My wife can call up any one of about 4 or 5 people and ask them to go shopping with her. It's frigging magic of some sort. If I want someone to go to the bookstore with... well, I can probably BEG someone into going if I have to but even the list of people I'd consider begging would be pretty short and 1 of those 2 candidates is my father-in-law.
In a way, it's deeply frustrating because I'm not entirely certain what the problem is though there are plenty of candidates.
* Am I simply too nerdy for people in this area? That's highly doubtful as I've met some delightfully nerdy people.
* Am I too much of an ass? That's probably potentially part of it. I am relatively self-absorbed and tend to neglect people in favor of... well, random blog entries and long lists of dry literature.
* Are people in this country just not friendly as they used to be? Perhaps culture has changed so we don't seek this out as we used to? Perhaps partly but I cannot believe that this is generally the case. The more I see of other people the more I realize we're all basically the same except for he bells and whistles.
* Have I simply failed to see the right people in the right places and failed to recognize them when I find them? Most assuredly so. This is at least one problem that the smalltalk bit may help with. As a mechanism for sussing out like-minded people smalltalk has no substitute so perhaps making that work is the right answer. At this point though, there just aren't a whole lot of people about. I work from home. In an average week I talk to exactly 3 adults and they're all related to me. This should probably change before I go totally mad.
All that said, there is a VERY small contingent of people that still bother to seek me out on a regular basis. Perhaps I should start by being more attentive to them and perhaps they'll introduce me to all their friends.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
7/11/07
Our neighbors to the east are just damned unfriendly. Now you must realize that I'm not particularly friendly either but I don't consider myself *UN*friendly. It took a full three greetings this evening to get even the merest acknowledgment from them. I did the neighborly wave. Nothing. I did the nod and smile. Nothing. I finally calmed it down to just a simple nod and got back half a nod. Heck, it could have been nothing more than an involuntary spasm. Point is, why are we so damn keen as a society to isolate ourselves. I'd very happily make acquaintances with the rather grim-looking people next door but my repeated attempts to approach them have resulted in nothing but sour milk.
I started another couple of holes today. One for the huge tree that is to come over from the in-laws yard when their pool goes in and a smaller for the happy $10 twigs I keep dragging home from the home improvement store. For some reason, there's nothing quite so satisfying as digging a hole. Sure there's the sweat and the grit; it's no easy task to dig a big hole but somehow the thought of pounding through layers of soil and clay that no human has touched in hundreds or thousands of years (if ever) has a certain romance. Not to mention the fact that a hole is one of those few things that you can create no a whim from nothing but is in fact completely immovable.
The new word to work into my vocabulary for the day is 'bijou.' Rob was amused today to learn that one of the people in his company was leaving to pursue a new job. The fact that is combined this person's primary interests in live made it a great bijou. In fact, I'm at least completely jealous but it made me try to determine what my 'bijou' job would be. Botanist? I'm not trained for such a thing. Landscaper? Doesn't pay enough. I don't know but it'd clearly have to be something that actually used both halves of my brain. I can pump out code all day but the creative part of my job takes about 30 seconds a day on average and the part that requires me to think only about 12. Clearly computer programming is the new 'blue collar' job of the 21st century. I think more when I'm laying tile in the bathroom than when I'm doing my real job. So perhaps that's the optimal job... the one that changes so much and so often that it requires constant adjustment and personal evolution. Much better than one that exercises only your patience over your intellect.
I've been thinking for some time that having everyone home for the summer (and therefore as good as in my office 24/7) is starting to drive me a bit nuts. Problem was that I couldn't quite put my finger on WHY this was the case. I have a separate office so I can work away from people when needed. It's a constant source of amusement that I can always find a child to pester on a moments notice. It's nice to have more organized lunches and with someone here to do the laundry I needn't worry about as many household chores. On the surface this should be really beneficial. Then it struck me what was missing. I need some level of solitude, a time during the day when I can walk down the hall and scream at the top of my lungs for no reason whatsoever. I need to be able to talk to myself for 40 minutes about how appallingly the Oxford Rugby team is doing this year despite the fact I know nothing of the topic. Working at home has inflicted such a level of utter solitude on me that I now find I NEED it. When my family is home they're constantly underfoot, utterly inescapable. If our toddler isn't our running around or threatening to run up the stairs then she's asleep and you have to watch every sound you make. It's quite maddening and I think my wife is ready to go back to school as well. She's falling under the spell of cabin fever as she looks for any excuse to go to the mall and see over human faces.
Hrm. Annual in-person company meeting about a month away. This is where the at-home worker begins to ask, "Keep the mohawk or let it start to grow out?"
I started another couple of holes today. One for the huge tree that is to come over from the in-laws yard when their pool goes in and a smaller for the happy $10 twigs I keep dragging home from the home improvement store. For some reason, there's nothing quite so satisfying as digging a hole. Sure there's the sweat and the grit; it's no easy task to dig a big hole but somehow the thought of pounding through layers of soil and clay that no human has touched in hundreds or thousands of years (if ever) has a certain romance. Not to mention the fact that a hole is one of those few things that you can create no a whim from nothing but is in fact completely immovable.
The new word to work into my vocabulary for the day is 'bijou.' Rob was amused today to learn that one of the people in his company was leaving to pursue a new job. The fact that is combined this person's primary interests in live made it a great bijou. In fact, I'm at least completely jealous but it made me try to determine what my 'bijou' job would be. Botanist? I'm not trained for such a thing. Landscaper? Doesn't pay enough. I don't know but it'd clearly have to be something that actually used both halves of my brain. I can pump out code all day but the creative part of my job takes about 30 seconds a day on average and the part that requires me to think only about 12. Clearly computer programming is the new 'blue collar' job of the 21st century. I think more when I'm laying tile in the bathroom than when I'm doing my real job. So perhaps that's the optimal job... the one that changes so much and so often that it requires constant adjustment and personal evolution. Much better than one that exercises only your patience over your intellect.
I've been thinking for some time that having everyone home for the summer (and therefore as good as in my office 24/7) is starting to drive me a bit nuts. Problem was that I couldn't quite put my finger on WHY this was the case. I have a separate office so I can work away from people when needed. It's a constant source of amusement that I can always find a child to pester on a moments notice. It's nice to have more organized lunches and with someone here to do the laundry I needn't worry about as many household chores. On the surface this should be really beneficial. Then it struck me what was missing. I need some level of solitude, a time during the day when I can walk down the hall and scream at the top of my lungs for no reason whatsoever. I need to be able to talk to myself for 40 minutes about how appallingly the Oxford Rugby team is doing this year despite the fact I know nothing of the topic. Working at home has inflicted such a level of utter solitude on me that I now find I NEED it. When my family is home they're constantly underfoot, utterly inescapable. If our toddler isn't our running around or threatening to run up the stairs then she's asleep and you have to watch every sound you make. It's quite maddening and I think my wife is ready to go back to school as well. She's falling under the spell of cabin fever as she looks for any excuse to go to the mall and see over human faces.
Hrm. Annual in-person company meeting about a month away. This is where the at-home worker begins to ask, "Keep the mohawk or let it start to grow out?"
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Composite Optimist
The other day I was addressed in the ‘small talk’ realm by one of my co-workers. This person regularly delves into the unplumbed depths of this blog it seems because after the obligatory “How are things going with you” he or she appended the somewhat mysterious “not very well apparently based on your blog.” This was just after the Feb 21st entry about “A Day in the Work Life” and every since that time I’ve been looking back trying to figure out what in the heck I said that would be construed as “things not going well.”
Since that comment, I’ve been alert for any overt signs I may be putting out that my life is in any way ‘meandering into a negative groove.’ I have to admit that I honestly don’t see how I can be ‘bumming anyone’s trip’ at this point. But just as an exercise, let’s go over the basic points of my life.
As far as the family goes, I’m not sure what more I could ask for. Our eldest child is entering that “Wow, look at all the great literature there is in the world” phase so I’m not sure how you improve on that. Our youngest is toddling about and into everything so she’s exceptionally tiresome at times but that comes with its own special rewards. Who else on the planet can be entertained for hours drinking from a simple glass of ice water? My wife is happier than I’ve seen her in ages though she could do with a bit more sleep I’m sure. To top it all off, it’s springtime again and all my labors outside over the past few years are about to come once again to their annual crescendo. I wouldn’t mind if my wife would stop running the air conditioner when it’s 65 degrees outside but that’s a small price to pay for domestic harmony.
As for my professional life, I’d say that for the first time ever I’ve come to an appropriate balance between work and not work. After years of trying to derive personal satisfaction from my job I’ve settled on the conclusion that work is simply a means of making a living and nothing more. If you expect a job to somehow fulfill you in some way not directly tied to material wealth then you’re doomed to be disappointed because that’s really what it’s for. Work is not about making friends or winning power or having a great time drinking at the office. The point of work is to turn exactly 23.8% of your life into money to help pay for the other 76.2% of your life. The work I actually do is on the whole pretty dull but I’m well compensated for it and it more than pays for the 76.2% of my life that I have free. To sew up the silk purse even more completely I finally have simple, achievable and easily measurable goals from my management. As each week passes, I can meet the prescribed expectations with punctiliousness and then go on to find the rest of my life waiting for me at the end. Add to that the fact that I do this from the room over my garage and I’d frankly be a fool to say anything but happy things about my omnipresent benefactors. *wave*
Now the third piece of this is a bit more nebulous as third pieces typically are. So you work 40.00 hours per week; you sleep for 49 hours a week; that leaves 79 hours for whatever. Say 20 hours total for eating, personal hygiene, doing the laundry, what the heck ever. So you’re left with 59 hours. When you have kids, a lot of this gets chewed up with various child-related activities but I figure I get at LEAST 20 hours free and clear a week. The thing that really annoys me is that this time seems to go straight into the toilet. I have yet to learn Spanish, Latin, French, Calculus, Greek or any of the other useless topics I’ve set out to learn lately. For the most part my blog is too quiet (and too stupid and self-centered) to be really interesting and my reading list is growing but in the wrong direction with the ‘Too be Read’ pile outpacing the ‘Just finished’ pile by about 2:1. But again, what a problem to have; I have TOO MUCH entertaining junk competing for my attention. Boy, sucks to be me.
So all in all, if people find me negative then I can only assume that it must be because of my frank approach to life. If you tell me something and I think it sucks then I’m likely to say “That sucks” in a most “Napoleon Dynamite” sort of way. That doesn’t really make me negative, merely blunt. To be honest, you might almost say that I have the world on a string. In a way, it’s like I’m sittin’ on a rainbow and I’ve got that string around my finger. Really, I’d be a silly so-and-so if I should ever let go.
Current Novel: “Mother’s Milk”, Edward St. Aubyn [178/235]
Periodic Robism: There is no greater temptation for a child than to jump onto a made bed. There is no greater temptation for an adult than to jump into a made bed.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Odd? Who you callin’ Odd?
About two weeks ago I went to lunch with an old friend of mine and during that repast we wandered onto a blog topic from a while ago. Where was that… oh yeah, here it is: Best Friends Forever. In that teeny-tiny blog post I wondered aloud briefly about the definition of friendship, how friendships come about, blah, blah, blah. You all saw it. It’s printed out and pinned to your wall at work.
Anyway, Charlie (he’s the friend in question, if I may make so bold as to call him a friend without causing him to feel undo pressure to reciprocate that moniker) recalled for me the circumstances under which our friendship came about. I have a horrible memory for EVERYTHING so I’d long ago scrapped all the details about this period of my life but Charlie said that when we first met he was a bit … well, irritated by me. He came to work in my department briefly (one of these ‘job exchange’ deals) and since he was the new guy I had a tendency to watch his trouble ticket queue (this was in tech support you understand) and make sure he got what he needed to get his customer issues taken care of. Anyway, from my perspective I was trying to be helpful and proactive but from Charlie’s perspective I was an interfering prig who was disapproving of how he was doing his job.
This makes me sincerely wonder just how the rest of the world sees me, especially when they first meet me. I’m sure that in a
Then, the very ground of my existence shook beneath my feet. Charlie said something that I can not yet believe and which has changed my life forever. He said *gasp* that I *choke* *sob* was *wail* ODD. Can you believe the audacity? Me?!!? Of all people?!? ODD??!?!?? You have to be kidding or else just trying to fill in conversational dead air if you would dare accuse me of such a thing. I defy ANY of you out there to name even ONE odd thing about me. I’m the most pedestrian, most typical Joe 5-Pack on the face of this planet!
Okay, maybe not MOST typical. Clearly Charlie meant this as a compliment and the fact that I took it immediately as such is clear evidence of my deep-rooted cynicism. I guess what was surprising was that my ‘Oddness’ was this obvious to people, that anyone had actually NOTICED that I was odd. I look at the people around me and it’s obvious from my perspective that I don’t really think like you people. So it’s no surprise to me but to be told by an outside source that there’s something not quite tight in your set of legos; that’s astounding. This means that not only am I probably really not a normal person (whatever NORMAL means) but that everybody around me knows it and only my good buddy Charlie is man enough to tell me. My question at this point is HOW obvious. As I’m walking through Target are people thinking, “My, what an odd person (but DAMN he’s handsome)?” I’d give some significant amount of … well, something my wife wouldn’t miss so not money… but something cool… to walk around in someone’s brain for a day and spy on myself.
Random joking aside though, I’m not really convinced that anyone has any sense whatsoever what ‘Odd’ means. In the most definable sense, Odd just means ‘Not like
Friday, February 02, 2007
Best Friends Forever
Friendship… such a funny word. Merriam-Webster defines friendship as “the state of being friends.” Gee, thanks, very helpful. It goes on to define a friend as “one attached to another by affection or esteem” or “one that is not hostile.” So basically, according to our friends at the dictionary company, anyone with whom you are not currently at all-out war is your friend. That seems a very broad definition but not really all that factual. By that definition, I’m friends with the entire world.
Personally, I have to say that the requirements of friendship are a wee bit more stringent. Let me put on my lexicographical hat on for a moment and give it a shot.
Friend: One with whom a person has regular and meaningful social interaction across bounds of convenience.
Boy, looking back at it, that’s pretty opaque. The best way to do this may be by example. So that guy that you see at work every day and exchange break room chit chat with, he’s not your friend unless you have some interaction with him outside that convenient little box of just happening to meet in the break room. The girl across the hall that you work with on that project for six months and then never speak to again, she’s not your friend either until you ask her out. It’s not until you break through the limits of ‘just happen to be pushed together by fate’ that you move from acquaintanceship into real friendship.
Silly definitions aside, I’ve always had a bit of a personal issue with the concept of friendship. It’s like any term of esteem; when you call someone ‘my friend’ there’s an implied request for reciprocation on the friend’s behalf. If I say, “Yes, this is my friend, Jay” then it’s incumbent upon Jay to reciprocate. Personally, that seems like a lot of pressure to put on someone so I tend to refer to everyone as ‘acquaintances’. Nice and safe, nobody minds being acquainted.
Friday, November 24, 2006
Your Personal Screwtape
"What in one instance might be a vice, in another may possibly become a virtue. A thousand imperceptible, evanescent shadings modify every thought, every motive, every action of our lives - no one can estimate the sensations or, can form an exact judgment for another."
I avoid the inside of gas stations. I'm always appalled when I go into these places because invariably there’s at least one caricature from society to be dealt with. In this part of the country it’s generally the “Birthed Five but Mother to None.” She has disheveled hair, a dirty shirt, the very epitome of slatternly squalor from head to foot. Her child is similarly attired (if in fact attired at all) and wandering off in any available direction without so much as a nod from its “parent.” Typically she’s walked there from some nearby apartment to spend $50 on the staples or her life: lottery tickets and cigarettes. The stertorous, tortured rasping that passes for her breath echoes through the store proving that this isn’t her first encounter with Raleigh’s “gift” to humanity.
It is only with the utmost willpower that I manage to put aside my decidedly procrustean prejudices and dream that it’s just POSSIBLE that there’s some perfectly legitimate reason that this woman is in the state she’s in. From my decidedly affluent position in society, it’s difficult to imagine a circumstance in which I would allow myself to appear to the world in such an unflattering light. How can this woman respect herself at all in such a state? Doesn’t she realize that the reason she’s in this position in the first place may have to do with her day-to-day choices?
The answer is that of course she knows. She knows she’s not going to win the lottery but to her it’s the only hope. The only chance she has to extract herself from the mire of her own ignorance and poverty is to be that one lucky person in a million. To her, the choice is simple. She HAS to buy the lottery tickets because without those, there’s nothing. That’s ALL there is. The State certainly doesn’t help the situation as it speaks from both sides of its mouth. On one hand, the ads say “Buy Lottery Tickets! You’ll win a LOT of money!!” with big flashing lights but in small print encourage you to “Play Responsibly.” When you live in filth on minimum wage playing at all is automatically irresponsible. Yet the State continues to tax the hopes and dreams of those who can least afford it. It is an irresponsible society that taunts its lowest earners into giving up what little they have for an evanescent hope of wealth.
But does she not realize that by smoking she’s not only throwing away her money but her health? Again, of course she does. The tocsins of death have been ringing in her head for years as she wakes up coughing and breathless in the middle of the night. No smoker is unaware of the quag into which they wander when they continue to smoke. There is no paucity of warnings; any pretence to ignorance is obvious affectation. They knowingly and willingly throw their resources and health into the abyss because the twin demons of habit and dependence force them to. Smokers are slaves to their habit; what is once picked up is not so easily put aside.
While we do not all share the same vices, we each have our own that stand in stead of this woman’s. She dreams to be rich and does what she thinks needs be done to make it so. My hopeless dreams are no less lunacy than hers. I service them in my own way and feed them as much if not more than she. I too have my bottomless abyss to feed.
Dare I ask, lest your demons become my own, what masters you serve, dear reader?
I avoid the inside of gas stations. I'm always appalled when I go into these places because invariably there’s at least one caricature from society to be dealt with. In this part of the country it’s generally the “Birthed Five but Mother to None.” She has disheveled hair, a dirty shirt, the very epitome of slatternly squalor from head to foot. Her child is similarly attired (if in fact attired at all) and wandering off in any available direction without so much as a nod from its “parent.” Typically she’s walked there from some nearby apartment to spend $50 on the staples or her life: lottery tickets and cigarettes. The stertorous, tortured rasping that passes for her breath echoes through the store proving that this isn’t her first encounter with Raleigh’s “gift” to humanity.
It is only with the utmost willpower that I manage to put aside my decidedly procrustean prejudices and dream that it’s just POSSIBLE that there’s some perfectly legitimate reason that this woman is in the state she’s in. From my decidedly affluent position in society, it’s difficult to imagine a circumstance in which I would allow myself to appear to the world in such an unflattering light. How can this woman respect herself at all in such a state? Doesn’t she realize that the reason she’s in this position in the first place may have to do with her day-to-day choices?
The answer is that of course she knows. She knows she’s not going to win the lottery but to her it’s the only hope. The only chance she has to extract herself from the mire of her own ignorance and poverty is to be that one lucky person in a million. To her, the choice is simple. She HAS to buy the lottery tickets because without those, there’s nothing. That’s ALL there is. The State certainly doesn’t help the situation as it speaks from both sides of its mouth. On one hand, the ads say “Buy Lottery Tickets! You’ll win a LOT of money!!” with big flashing lights but in small print encourage you to “Play Responsibly.” When you live in filth on minimum wage playing at all is automatically irresponsible. Yet the State continues to tax the hopes and dreams of those who can least afford it. It is an irresponsible society that taunts its lowest earners into giving up what little they have for an evanescent hope of wealth.
But does she not realize that by smoking she’s not only throwing away her money but her health? Again, of course she does. The tocsins of death have been ringing in her head for years as she wakes up coughing and breathless in the middle of the night. No smoker is unaware of the quag into which they wander when they continue to smoke. There is no paucity of warnings; any pretence to ignorance is obvious affectation. They knowingly and willingly throw their resources and health into the abyss because the twin demons of habit and dependence force them to. Smokers are slaves to their habit; what is once picked up is not so easily put aside.
While we do not all share the same vices, we each have our own that stand in stead of this woman’s. She dreams to be rich and does what she thinks needs be done to make it so. My hopeless dreams are no less lunacy than hers. I service them in my own way and feed them as much if not more than she. I too have my bottomless abyss to feed.
Dare I ask, lest your demons become my own, what masters you serve, dear reader?
Saturday, May 06, 2006
Vampire of Society
There comes, I think, in the lives of many introverted people a time when all the fellowship and goodwill is sucked out of a place or group of people. For example, I changed high schools twice when I was a wee lad and each time I felt a keen and overwhelming sense of relief. It felt as if the people around me had simply used up all their extroverted goodwill towards me and gone back to revolving in their own private circles. I hoped somehow that after moving this new set of people would come along and I could somehow have a ‘fresh start’ with them. It wasn’t that I disliked the old set of people or was tired of them; heck, in most cases, I barely knew anybody and in their own way they’d tried to approach me at some point but had been rebuffed in some way or simply lost interest.
It’s not as if I’ve intentionally pushed people away in my life but for some reason, once they get to know me just the tiniest little bit they all just seem to slowly back away. Even today, I don’t know if it’s that they find out something about me that disturbs them or that I simply don’t provide the right social feedback to them to make them feel like their efforts are fully appreciated. It would be handy to talk to someone that would tell me frankly and openly what it is about me that spooks people.
Whatever this problem is, it is also inherited by my blog. Most of the people that I know in real life who are aware of my blog have stopped reading it for some reason that I simply can’t explain. Perhaps it’s my duty to honesty. I tell things frankly and openly the way I see them to an almost insulting degree. I call a duck a duck when I see it and await counterargument. Sadly, most of the time I don’t get any argument, the disagreeing parties simply disappear into the ether. Or if they do argue, it’s with nonsensical repetition of their original statements.
So yeah, in my life I’ve managed to alienate two high schools, six workplaces and innumerable random unconnected people and I have absolutely no idea why. Well, no idea with any certainty anyway. It seems apparent that something in my wiring is incompatible with the bulk of humankind. Even if I knew what it was, would it be worth correcting? What would I have to give up in exchange? What would I gain, if anything?
I do sincerely wonder what it would be like to have… well, actual friends, people that I could actually TALK to beyond the realm of meaningless small talk. People I connect with, have things in common with and can actually be open with. Now, I should point out here that I do HAVE friends (family doesn’t count), exactly two in fact. I’ll say that they’re both great people and are damn entertaining to talk to but I don’t really DO anything with them. An occasional lunch perhaps but it’s not like we’re taking off to concerts together or building a deck. What changes would be wrought in my life if I had 10 such friends? Or 20 and we actually did things together? Or even three? What is it that keeps me from building that easy rapport with anyone and everyone I meet? I’ve seen it done a million times, so why can’t I recreate it? What is this basic human skill that I’ve completely failed to master? Ahh… the myriad meandering convolutions of the human mind…
It’s not as if I’ve intentionally pushed people away in my life but for some reason, once they get to know me just the tiniest little bit they all just seem to slowly back away. Even today, I don’t know if it’s that they find out something about me that disturbs them or that I simply don’t provide the right social feedback to them to make them feel like their efforts are fully appreciated. It would be handy to talk to someone that would tell me frankly and openly what it is about me that spooks people.
Whatever this problem is, it is also inherited by my blog. Most of the people that I know in real life who are aware of my blog have stopped reading it for some reason that I simply can’t explain. Perhaps it’s my duty to honesty. I tell things frankly and openly the way I see them to an almost insulting degree. I call a duck a duck when I see it and await counterargument. Sadly, most of the time I don’t get any argument, the disagreeing parties simply disappear into the ether. Or if they do argue, it’s with nonsensical repetition of their original statements.
So yeah, in my life I’ve managed to alienate two high schools, six workplaces and innumerable random unconnected people and I have absolutely no idea why. Well, no idea with any certainty anyway. It seems apparent that something in my wiring is incompatible with the bulk of humankind. Even if I knew what it was, would it be worth correcting? What would I have to give up in exchange? What would I gain, if anything?
I do sincerely wonder what it would be like to have… well, actual friends, people that I could actually TALK to beyond the realm of meaningless small talk. People I connect with, have things in common with and can actually be open with. Now, I should point out here that I do HAVE friends (family doesn’t count), exactly two in fact. I’ll say that they’re both great people and are damn entertaining to talk to but I don’t really DO anything with them. An occasional lunch perhaps but it’s not like we’re taking off to concerts together or building a deck. What changes would be wrought in my life if I had 10 such friends? Or 20 and we actually did things together? Or even three? What is it that keeps me from building that easy rapport with anyone and everyone I meet? I’ve seen it done a million times, so why can’t I recreate it? What is this basic human skill that I’ve completely failed to master? Ahh… the myriad meandering convolutions of the human mind…
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)