Extracted from a 2007 post that had some other garbage in it that had nothing to do with the book.
I started reading a book in the vicinity of this day. It's completely
out of character as it's called, "How to work a Room." Yeah, yeah. Get
back on your chair. After 50 pages I'd gleaned a couple of useful
facts. By 100 pages I was just about ready to tear the book in half
just to guarantee that one copy of this bullshit out of the millions
available would not poison another impressionable mind. Anyway, let's
start with the good and useful things I was told. Yes, I know, they're
obvious but I'm not sure anyone had told me these things specifically:
*
If you go to a party and you're uncomfortable, then other people are
too. When I mentioned this to my wife she reminded me of the July 4th
party I 'ruined' about 13 months ago. It went something like this. We
went to some distant friend's house where we were in company of several
other people who were good friends with the hostess. They all sat about
drinking heavily, talking about nothing and I sat quietly and waited
for the party to end. This, apparently, was enough to ruin the party
and it certainly ruined my attitude for the rest of the day. The lesson
learned here is a simple one I think. If you're not enjoying yourself
then just leave so you don't screw it up for everyone else. Fair
enough.
* 93% of people in the world consider themselves shy. I
think most of the time that I consider myself shy but really I'm not.
If you wander into a topic that I know something about, I will talk
incessantly and I'm always blabbering on about my innermost thoughts on
here so I'm certainly not shy about talking when I have something to
say. The important bit here though is that the hard part for most
people is approaching others. So, if you approach them then you've done
90% of the work and you can go about the conversation. Amusingly,
evidence for this was right at hand. I often talk to people at random
in stores or whatever and people almost always react positively to what I
have to say so people want to talk to you. People are, in general,
ready to have a conversation. The key is getting over that initial
hurdle and breaking down the initial barrier between people. Now that, I
think I can try to do more effectively. At this point, I can't imagine
people will think me any MORE of an ass no matter what I say so I have
that going for me. The down side here is that I typically just DON'T
have anything to say on most of the common topics of conversation. You
want to talk about the science or mathematics or literature or computing
or religion then I'm your man. Let's set a date. You want to talk
about what diet Cher's on or what happened on American Idol last
night.... um, no, not so much.
* People can sense what your real
intentions are so you can't schmooze just to get something. Now this, I
thought, was a damn interesting little tidbit and hopefully true. The
author tells bits about how she's gotten all sorts of random perquisites
from her smoozing. Tickets to shows, free crap, discounts, etc because
of some incident she had in an elevator. That's all well and good and a
nice thing to look forward to I suppose but really just random gravy.
What I guess pisses me off most is that there are people out there who
have to be told, "just don't do this to take advantage of people" while I
sit here on my own with absolutely nothing going on. It's damn
frustrating to try to put yourself out there for people and get blank
stares in return. I take cookies across the street to the old couple at
Christmas but I'm not even sure they eat them. I'd be happy to help
the neighbors get their yard in order so maybe they could sell their
house but they won't even acknowledge my greetings. We're just such
isolationists in this country. Either that or I'm just too damn scary.
Whatever the case it's annoying. It's not that I WANT to get a call at
4 a.m. from some friend who has a major problem but it would at least
be nice if that were a possibility.
So the first 50 pages went
about like that. I was relatively upbeat on the whole process but it
was clear that the book was geared for sales types which I most
definitely am NOT a sales type. Then we start getting into the 'how'
phase. How to make contacts and break the ice and get the free flow of
information going. Sounds good doesn't it?
* The book recommends practicing a self-introduction. OK. Here's the best one I could think of:
****
Hi! I'm Rob! Now, I'm only here as part of a court-order.
'Socialization re-adjustment phase' of my parole they call it. Anyway,
when we gone done talking there are some forms the judge would like you
to fill out if you could.... Ma'am? Where are you...
* Practice
your smalltalk. Look through the news and find 2 or 3 interesting
stories and read them so you'll be prepared. Read People magazine so
you can be aware of all the latest goings on.
It was at this
point, that I measured the book to see if it could fit down the toilet.
So basically, the key to successful smalltalk is to go read something
you wouldn't ordinarily so that perhaps you'll have something to say
that people might find interesting. Well I'm sorry but that's just a
bunch of horse shit. If the idea of socializing with other people
requires me to read fvcking People magazine then I'll just sit quietly
and leave when I think it's no longer rude to do so. What the hell kind
of lasting relationship is based on that sort of? Am I going to have
to read People magazine every week/month/whatever for the rest of my
life to sustain such a relationship? I'm looking for people to be
friends with, to have interesting conversations with. Not sell them
stool softener and rubber cane tips.
The first person to express a desire for this book gets it. Assuming, of course, that they can catch it as I hurl it at them.
2 comments:
Heh, but by asking for the book, you'd identify who, soon to no longer be among your 'friends', is not interested in meaningful conversation with you...
I say flush it. No, you don't want to clog your toilet. Got a shredder?
Yeah, this one is actually long gone. (The original post was written in 2007, but I extracted it into a separate post so I could put it in the directory of "books I've written about". Trying to organize the place a bit.
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