Earlier this week I got back my yearly peer review feedback from work. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the process, I’ll summarize. Each year a subset of one’s co-workers are polled and asked probing questions about you. These questions range from technical prowess to how well you play with others. In the past, these have been fairly useless but this year was psyche-shaking, since the preponderance of the responders seemed to be of the opinion that I’m an utter and complete asshole.
On the brief positive side, a minority of people at work think that I do more than my fair share of work, am forward-thinking and even go so far to describe me as “brilliant” but I find that feedback especially to be highly embarrassing and uncalled-for. I will say simply that I do try to come in to work each day and do my best. Any aptitude I may display for my profession derives more directly from determination than it does from anything else. Enough said about that.
Let’s move on to the real fun, the negative comments. I had lots of stuff along these lines:
“Rob can be very "snarky" He needs to think about how he responds to things before making a response.”
“…I would encourage him to watch his tone in emails and conversations when dealing with difficult customers.”
“Rob, is very approachable, but he does not communicate in an approachable way. He can be very short,sarcastic, or just plain sassy. Some times it is hard to know if Rob is serious or not in his email. On a personal level, Rob is a great guys to chat with.”
“Rob needs to work a bit on his people side.”
“I would encourage Rob to watch his tone and approach in communication with customers (internal and external) when he feels the project or customer is being unreasonable.”“Rob needs to be less sarcastic/snarky/negative. He is in a leadership position and this is not motivating for the people around him.”
OK, so the part that really bothers me here is the implication that I’m snarky to -customers-, meaning external customers. For my entire working life I’ve been at least somewhat customer facing so the idea of being disrespectful to a customer shakes me to my very core. I would hope that if I was *EVER* snarky to a customer that somebody would have called me out on it immediately and directly. That said, I do tend to be honest with customers. Not in the “you’re the biggest schmuck I’ve ever worked with” sort of way, but I do recall that in the past I’ve just had to just give up and say, “I’m sorry, but I’m out of different ways to explain this to you.” Verbal communication is a fairly sore weakness for me. I’m a developer by nature so everything I say, everything I do, everything I think is planned out well in advance. If you put me on the spot in front of a customer and I have to deviate from well-worn script, you’re going to get my only available fallback position: complete and utter honesty. A big part of my brain will be devoted to being polite about that honesty, but that leaves absolutely no room for sugar-coating, politics or saving face for the company. I say this on my own behalf but I’m also willing to bet that it applies to a lot of the developer-types in the room. There’s a reason I’m not in sales. So if I was ever impolite to a customer then I’m absolutely mortified and apologize, but the best way to help me improve is to tell me personally and directly what I said or did so I can stop doing it. It is absolutely NEVER my intention to be rude to a customer. I’ve been in the working world long enough to know that the cliché really is true. They really are the reason that we’re here.
The other part of this is the implication that I’m rude to my co-workers. In all honesty, you’re probably right. Unfortunately, when time and resources are scarce, everyone gets a priority. The developers know that they can ask me for anything. My direct management knows they can ask for anything but that they may get an argument if I think their request contradicts the best interests of the developers. After that, it’s a crap shoot. Honestly, I’d absolutely LOVE to be able to do everything for everyone and make them utterly and completely happy with me and everything that my department produces. My psyche is a pretty simple one. I love to please people. I want everyone to have happy and glowing opinions of everything I say and do. Sadly, there’s just not enough time for that. If I can make the developers happy and keep management at least somewhat appeased then I can’t help but think I’ve got it made. So if I seem snarky or dismissive or rude, it’s not personal. I’d love nothing better than to do what you’re asking for, but chances are that I can’t without harming something or someone else.
Lastly, my feedback encouraged me to try to foster more personal connections with people at work. As the saying goes, that, is preaching to the choir. I’d love nothing more than to create more non-work relationships with my co-workers. I’ve spent a lot of hours trying to figure out how on EARTH other people do that. Unfortunately, that’s just a knack I’ve never quite acquired. Watching “Mary and Max” last night made me realize that I do appear to have a touch of Asperger Syndrome, though the extent of that is unclear. Point is, in many ways, I just don’t ‘get’ people. Trust me when I say that I’d love to, but I just don’t.
I’ve always felt that in the workplace I’m just a ‘tool’ to be used for some specific purpose; I’m the guy who does all the other stuff that other people don’t want to but doesn’t have any real personal connection to anyone. I’m OK with that, I suppose, because it’s all I’ve got. I recognize that the defect is in me, not in any of you. It’s just hard to hear that the ‘tool’ is viewed as defective, as wanting in some way. I’ll try to be more chipper, more accommodating, if that’s what’s really needed.
2 comments:
Okay, couple of points to make:
1) You're not, by your own design, in a leadership position. The fact that this fallacy continues to propagate is not your fault, either. Somebody should really make that clear to the other departments. Your primary responsibility, given your position, is to maintain the sanctity/sanity of the product and to provide guidelines as to the implementation of features that you do approve. Thus, your position imbues some sense of brusqueness. You have to be capable of saying "I disagree with this on a multitude of levels and absolutely do not want it in this product," so I find no issues with your "tone" as it is typically directed.
2) To those who do not know you well or work directly with you, there is certainly a perception that you are rude or snarky. You are direct and honest, and all too often the business world views these as faults. What the business world often fails to recognize in its infallible efforts to encourage overwhelming politeness amongst co-workers is that there is no magic formula for the proper mixture of efficiency/politeness/honesty. It is implausible to expect every employee to formulate all of their communications in a manner that makes everybody comfortable... yet is direct and honest and efficient. There is a melting pot of personalities in every business, and each of those personalities communicates and expects communication in a variety of ways. You simply cannot please everybody.
To wit: I appreciate your communication AS IT IS, and I suspect the rest of us in your department do as well. I cannot speak to your communications with customers. The only real answer to this is to get to know each and every person you communicate with, and tailor your messages to suit that person. Group messages will be especially challenging. You are certainly welcome to tackle this, but... sheesh, good luck.
Okay, this is depressing and downright annoying. Ugh. Can we see the fun, positive comments?!?! Clearly people haven't taken the time to get to know you, and that is their issue not yours! You add such a unique spark to conversation, and for those who cannot see your value and appreciate your avoidance of bullshit, well shame on them.
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