Into the Valley of the Shadow of... something

Alright, yesterday I did something that I've been avoiding for a VERY long time. I had my Wisdom teeth out. So here's the story...

When I was a mere 16 years old, Dr. Wysong told me, "You should have those wisdom teeth out. It'll be much easier on you if you do it before they're fully ossified." My mother, bless her, when i said, "I really don't want to do that" was happy to shrug and say, "OK, Great. Don't do it." because it allowed her to not have to worry about it. Eighteen years later, those words "fully ossified" still haunted me. I was pretty sure that by now, they were about as ossified as they were going to get.

It's not that they were bothering me after all that time except in the sense that my wife was peppering me with semi-constant reminders that I needed to get my wisdom teeth out. Personally, I was perfectly willing to live with them as they were given that the alternative (at least in my mind) was death or permanent brain damage due to the evil chemicals they pump into you while they do these kinds of surgeries. I've never been a fan of chemical-induced catatonia as I've always felt that my grip on reality was infirm enough that I hardly needed to loosen it through chemistry. So, the years turned into decades until we arrive at the present day.

As it turns out, the procedure itself was unwittingly amusing. Pumped full of enough chemicals I was barely able to maintain a straight face and quipped with the surgeons endlessly. I have no recollection of the actual surgery which I assume is entirely by design. I can only assume that it was gruesomely unpleasant. The last thing I remember is entering a sort of hypnogogic state and then being helped from the chair into the recovery room. Whatever evil crunchings and pullings took place in between leave their mark only in my extremely sore jaws and cheeks. I'm told that in 4-6 weeks I'll be as good as new. That hardly seems a fair trade for the 10 minutes of giggling that proceeded the operation. The wheel of karma has cheated me on that account it seems.

In any case, that bit of unpleasantness is over with. One only wonders what future modifications my wife has planned for me now.